47. You’ll always be on my radar.
Yes. I admit. I catch myself looking at you, and yes, it hurts when I see you with someone else, and when you smile, I find myself holding a breath. I find myself longing for every conversation with you, find myself just dying to have you say hello.
And yet, I can never have you. You think that I like another guy, I never did. Admittedly, I liked him a few months ago. But he was my friend for like 6 years, and I only liked him a bit. I’ve known you for 9 months, and I’ve fallen hard and fast for you. You don’t know how it feels, hearing your snide jokes about how me and him should get hitched, it really fucking hurts. :’(
My friends think that you’re treating me unfairly. If you were any normal guy, I would have got over you in about a week, but you aren’t like they all. You stare at me, and when I catch your gaze, I stare back, and yet, you’d look down quickly. My best friend said, when I was ill right in the middle of class, you were the one who gazed at me the longest. Only when I was out of the room, only you would direct your gaze somewhere else.
Please. I really want what she said come true. I want you, and you only. I know, I sound like some teenage girl in some stupid fazed puppy love, but it’s definitely not how it feels. I’ve been in puppy love before, and this feels different. And recently, you gaze at me more often.
I have no idea, whether it’s surprise/anger or something else. I remember, in English, when I just peeked at you, you stared back at me with those eyes, that spoke calm, yet meant another thing. I’d quickly look down, and act like I was looking at something else. And my heart would bang mercilessly down my chest, and I’d have to swallow hard to calm myself.
I’ve only been in love with you for 3 months, yet it feels like a year. Like Vila said, she loathes good looking people, because they have their happy endings with the guys they love. I agree, because happy endings never ever did come to me. As much as I believe it to. It doesn’t.
When the last period of class on Friday ended, it was after school. I went to homeroom, and my locker, to clear my books. And you were the only one in the room, I try to act like my heart wasn’t beating around 100,000 beats per minute. Then, other stupid people entered the room, and totally broke our wall of privacy. You’ve no idea how much it hurts.
I really love you. I really do.
Yet, you don’t know anything. That’s how much this sucks.
